I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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