you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
