You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
