Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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