Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
