Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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