Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
