guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sorry about my life...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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