i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
