Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
