I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
