that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dick very happy bro
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
