Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
