I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
