Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
