I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
