Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
that is very illegal...i love you.
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