We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
