i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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