it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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