Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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