The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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