i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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