bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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