You're so nebulous sometimes
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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