I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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