Already got asked if we're dating
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
