he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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