if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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