I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
