Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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