Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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