Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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