it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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