I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Your cock deserves a montage
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
