He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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