from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
