I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Randomize
