Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
