So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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