no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
