I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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