It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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