I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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