That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I am midnight drunk by noon
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
