how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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