me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
