That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
