if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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