we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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