SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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