remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well I just put wine in my tea
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
