pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
